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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Marriage - from the pre-wedding perspective

twinkle and joseph_9018

The past couple of days have started to see a change in the relationship between myself and *Twinkle*. I think I know why that could be - the Marriage Effect.

It first struck me yesterday when we were driving home to the holiday cottage that we've rented about 500 yards from mum and dad's place. Before now, we've lived together for the best part of two years. I didn't expect marriage to change much in the dynamic between us, but it would seem that it's doing just that.

These past few days we've been pretty independent. My parents have kindly given us use of the family car, which has enabled us to freely go about doing the things we need to do in preparation for the wedding, in addition to do things like go and watch the sunset from a local hilltop. During all of this, we've been talking. Talking about the past, the present, and the future. Talking about what marriage means to us. In fact, we've started creating our own list of additional marriage vows - a bit more definite than the vows we shall swear in church (those being the foundation on which we can build these additional promises).

All of this has led to a subtle shift in our relationship. A strong feeling of commitment is on the rise. Sure, it's been there before, but not like this. This is something far bigger, something that can be relied upon. It's tied up with a deepening sense of trust, and excitement that we're in this long-term, together.

The marriage creates a strong feeling of team work - and independence too. Independence from our immediate families who have supported us in so many ways until now. This will no doubt be strengthened by our setting up a new home in Japan, a long way from my family, and the other side of Tokyo from *Twinkle*s. The combining of our finances too, which has basically already happened, promotes the feeling that whatever we're working on, it's a team effort with a common goal.

It may be a couple of years before we have children, but nethertheless, we will be a family in our own right.

It's a bit surreal to be reaching this point after 30 years of being dependent upon others.

Hmm, so it's feeling like it's quite a big deal really.

It is a shame that *Twinkle* will be returning to Japan just two days after the wedding, but provided she makes it hop, skip and jump to the local ward office in Japan asap I should be able to join her within a few weeks.

Then it all starts for real.

:-)

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2 Comments:

Blogger Orchid64 said...

I don't envy you the separation after the wedding, though I know what it's like. Shortly after we got married (3 weeks, I think), T. and I were also separated for two weeks as he came to Japan to find a job while I continued to work in the U.S. Our situation was uncertain then though not the same as yours.

Good luck with the wedding, and, if I were you, I'd skip the blogging during the precious time you have left before Twinkle's departure.

22/7/08 06:55  
Blogger Joseph said...

Thanks Orchid64 :-)

I hope to be so busy with my CELTA (Tefl) course that the time flies by. I can imagine that all of this week is going to seem like something of a dream!

23/7/08 15:33  

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