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Thursday, February 05, 2009

Time to grow up?

bogey changing belarus 05
Changing the bogeys - crossing the border from Russia to Belarus, Sep 2007. Photo taken from an adjoining carriage that's also jacked right up.

Listening to Branson's autobiography again today has really hit me hard.

That, and talk with my colleague George (who is rapidly becoming an entrepreneur extraordinaire) regarding several ideas for ventures here in Tokyo that is pushing me to face my fears and get on and do what I need to do.

I've come a long way I know, but I still see myself being held back by a big nagging doubt about whether I can suceed in business or not.

The balance between talk and action in my life is way out. Look at me now. I'm blogging, not acting.

Ok, so I've created a (yet to be launched) website for my venture, but I can feel myself resisting stepping forward and acting to do what's needed in the real world. I tend to do things bit by bit, avoiding looking the plan in the eye, skirting the edges. I've built websites before, I can do that. They're within my comfort zone, no matter what the content (within reason).

By going out there and interviewing people, networking in real life, actually producing something other than a website - this is outside of my comfort zone and the fear is only too apparent.

There's never been a better time for action though. I've met someone who shares my passion for my idea, and will make a great co-producer. As of today I'm hooked up with a couple of entrepreneurial networks (via Linked in), and have been invited to speak at an upcoming event for the sake of furthering my idea / carrying out research.

We have no dependents, we can afford to take risks (within reason) - without some risk nothing will change.

I spoke with *Twinkle* tonight about this strong feeling that things have to change - her reaction was one of delight. 'It's about time you grew up' - exactly what I've been thinking myself all week.

She has been concerned that Joseph would never grow up sufficiently to be a father - she's not said this before, but I'm not surprised. I identify wholly with what she is telling me. (I hope you see the irony following my privious post.

It's time I assert myself. Remain humble and eager to learn from others, but stop kowtowing to fear, and stop thinking that everyone knows better than me.

I desperately want to succeed in the business realm. I'm not motivated by money (although the need for money by those around me does motivate me to a certain extent). I'm motivated by wanting to create something amazing that makes a positive difference to others in some way, by the idea of doing what I love every day, being free to put my precious limited time towards what I consider to be the most important thing that I can put my time towards.

It really is time I grew up.

I'd like to express my thanks to my family, friends and Mumblers who have consistently expressed their belief in my ability to realise my dreams. I invite you to continue to stay tuned and see what happens here over the next 1, 3 and 5 years.

Ok. So let's do it.

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Teddy on the slopes

When coming to Japan last year, I had to make some harsh decisions, such as what to leave behind.

One victim of BA's baggage limit was Teddy. Not wanting him to get lonely, I left him in the very capable hands of mum #2 in Monmouth.

Since then he seems to have got up to all sorts - including getting drunk at New Year and having an affair with another teddy.

His latest escapades have seen him out in the #uksnow - a setting that I think suits him pretty well.

Thanks to Mum#2 for looking after him - and sending the photo!


Wednesday, February 04, 2009

The thrill that is life

Feeling really gripped by life at the moment. The feeling of adventure is almost tangible. My desire to make the most of every moment has resulted in my feeling like I'm sitting in the front car of a rollercoaster. It's a fantastic ride - what will the next corner bring? Excitement as we persevere in climbing the incline, imagining the view that awaits us above. Reaching the top, excitement is replaced by joy as we see the sun-drenched landscape way below us, giving us an idea of just how high we've climbed. Then comes the thrilling descent - we're moving forward at tremendous speed, propelled by the result of all our hard work up until now.

Just as we get used to the incredible cruise, a violent corner sees us lurch to the left, stomachs left behind. Nauseous, wanting the bend to end ...but OK as we know the bend will end.

This is how it feels.

Just walking back from the station, I felt as if I was moving at 100mph.

Home. Our new England-themed business cards have arrived - these are joint cards featuring both *Twinkle* and I: fifty of my photos on the front given new acquaintances a choice, the same shot from our wedding on the back of each one so people remember who we are - how many times have you found yourself with a stack of business cards trying to put names to faces held in your noggins?

I love these cards, and I'm excited by the idea of giving them away.

I've spent the last two days attempting to transfer a completed wordpress blog from my local server (Mamp on my MacBook) to a live server - crikey o'Reily, will I ever figure it out?! I'm new to sql databases, and somewhat confuzzed. Will feel good when I do eventually succeed though - and I WILL succeed.

Really starting to feel the benefits of the sub-experiment which I began in 2006/2007, that of accepting that there is a good reason for everything that happens, although I may never know what the reason is. Only this week I marvelled at how much better I was able to deal with some interpersonal conflict. Two years back I would have been knocked for six by energy-sapping negative feelings directed towards myself and the other, but instead I was able to look on the bright side of the situation before the badness even kicked in, trusting that this was the right thing to happen. What a powerful thing thinking is.

I am fortunate in that there are very few negative people around me. I wonder if that's a coincidence...

I should add, I am yet to be truly tested here. My life has been pretty blessed these past, er, 31 years.

Crikey. I'm 31.

My love goes out to Mr. Indi, and his wife. If you have some spare positive thoughts, I'd encourage you to subscribe to Is This All There Is? and send them their way.

It's an emotional journey, and I'm not even the one living it.

The getting-up-at-6am thing is going really well. I whole-heartedly recommend it for anyone who doesn't like mornings. It can make you super-productive, get your day off to a gorgeously satisfying start, puts you in sync with the natural cycle of the earth. (It does require going to bed before midnight though).

Going back to the power of thought, I've just been listening to The Field by Lynne McTaggart, as recommended by my mate Stuballs.
Based on interviews with today's cutting-edge scientists, investigative journalist Lynne McTaggart wrote The Field, a compelling presentation of the theory that there is a measurable "life force" in the universe.
She cites some pretty interesting scientific experiments in which the power of thought to influence both people and machines is demonstrated. It's not a great book in terms of writing style, but very interesting nonetheless.

I'm also still half way through Bill Bryson's A short history of nearly everything.

I am forever more convinced of the power of thought when it comes to shaping our lives, yet remain a poor practitioner. There's always more work to be done! Incidentally, whilst on the subject, I recommend Walking Through Walls by Phillip Smith - thanks to orchid64 for gifting me a copy (which I am loving, at the rate of about one chapter a week!)

Recently I have purposefully subscribed to a lot of blogs written by expats in Japan. It's incredible to find this thriving community, where everyone 'knows' everyone else. There's a real feeling of friendship, much of it revolving around Twitter - are you on Twitter yet? If not, you will be, so you might as well sign up now... :-) (I'm @tamegoeswild).

Japan Soc is another major gathering place. If you blog about Japan you might be interested in participating in a new effort to build a mutually beneficial community here. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea.

Speaking of which, I think I'll have a cup of tea.

Ok, I needed to say all that. Feel relieved now. On with the ride.

much love xxx